A loved one called me recently and expressed upset with a decision I made. The person subtly told me why I should change my mind and used religion to make their point. My initial reaction was anger as I felt the person was using religion to manipulate me. As I discussed the situation with my coach, she reminded me of a very important filter that should be used to evaluate advice, especially when the stakes are high.
My coach encouraged me to consider whether the advice benefited the person who shared it? This was a question I hadn’t considered. I was caught up in emotion and focused solely on the words spoken and not on the reason the person was communicating the message in question. In this situation, the advice did in fact benefit the person who engaged me because it supported their comfort at the expense of my discomfort.
My coach then advised me to be careful of accepting advise from people who have something to gain from the advice they give. To be clear, “gain” could be as simple as you behaving in a way that makes the other person comfortable. Gain could also mean financial gain or a boost in status. ‘If a person wants you to do something that will enrich them in any way, you have to filter what they say,’ she said. This advice is sound and it is particularly useful when you are in a crisis situation and receiving input from many sources.
As you reflect on this insight, here are three other things you may want to consider when navigating a crisis:
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Are you being motivated by fear?
When we are afraid, our nervous systems are activated and it becomes harder to make rational decisions. If you are led by fear, you will also feel compelled to act quickly or you may fail to assess all the choices before you. I heard a financial guru say that when people get scared, they get stupid and I couldn’t agree more. If the advice is intended to make you afraid, or if the situation triggers fear, tread carefully. Try to unpack why you are afraid and assess what will happen if your worst-case scenarios manifest, and more importantly, how’ll you’ll pivot and respond.
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Will the advice benefit your current and future self?
There are things that feel good in the moment but will harm your future self. When evaluating feedback, maintain a long-range view of where you’re going and more importantly, how you’ll get there. All advice should be filtered from the lens of ‘will this help me in the long run?’
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Are you being encouraged to act quickly?
If you are being encouraged or rushed to make a snap decision, be careful. You should have time to process all advice, and think about where you want to go and why. You should have time to consult your team. You should have time to sit with a decision. Very few things need to be decided in an hour or two, let alone a day or two. Slow the process in order to play out different scenarios and discern what to do.
Why is this important? Your reputation is like currency; you must manage it wisely. Your peace is invaluable. You must safeguard it. You may not always get a do-over, and that is why it is essential to strive to make good decisions today and always.
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Jennifer R. Farmer, known as The PR Whisperer, is a crisis communications expert, podcast host, and small business owner. In her spare time, she enjoys visiting volunteering and reviewing bakeries.