Years ago, I listened to a financial podcast every morning while getting ready for work. In that season, I felt like I needed the podcast to become a better version of myself. The podcast host was rambunctious and would often raise his voice. I’m sure some of this was for entertainment purposes, but overtime, I began to question why I started my day listening to someone raising their voice. It was stressful.
In time, I realized I did not have to listen to stressful content in order to make life changes. I began to ask myself, ‘at what point did I come to believe it was ok to be scolded in order to be inspired to make changes?’ What happened in my life that I became desensitized to this sort of communication style?
This question has haunted me ever since. I realized that sometimes we can become so desperate for change that we will do anything, or accept anything, in order to achieve the change, we seek. I’m a proponent of personal growth, but there are conditions around what I’ll do to achieve it. And when something no longer works for me, I’m learning to walk away. That’s what I think more of us should do when it comes to self help coaches or leaders who have a habit of berating their audience and base.
You Do Not Have to Let Anyone Berate You
This guidance is top of mind when I hear about the viral moments of people such as Juanita Bynum or Kim Burrell. Both have gone viral in recent days. Burrell has been accused of scolding a woman who was singing along with her at church. And Bynum has been accused of chastising church goers for their attire and behavior in church.
What I want us to appreciate is that loud isn’t always right. A person can be loud and still be wrong. A person can have a large platform, or large following, and still get it wrong from time to time. Additionally, we can learn and grow without being berated or publicly humiliated. In listening to the comments of Bynum and Burrell, the words that came to mind were ‘mean and unnecessary.’ Their behavior in those videos struck me as contrary to how I’d want to be communicated with.
Here’s why. When there are areas in my life that need correction, I am more prone to change when I feel like change is possible. When people are mean and cruel, I cannot hear them because I am too focused on their words or behavior. What is more, when I make mistakes and receive correction from God, the correction doesn’t feel oppressive or degrading. God is loving, long-suffering and not willing that any would perish. God is also a gentle coach, urging us to do and be better, but from a place of love. Even when we suffer the consequences of our actions, God can come alongside us and provide grace to help us endure.
Conviction and Condemnation
In Christian circles, there is a lot of conversation around conviction and condemnation. The bible is clear that there is “there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” Condemnation makes you feel hopeless. Conviction underscores the need to change but does so without oppressive shame.
In 2024, I want us to appreciate that we do not have to sit through harassment in order to get better. If you feel shame, if you feel an overwhelming sense of fear, if you feel like your sense of self has taken a hit, do not ignore those feelings. You can hear the truth, a truth that may be hard to swallow, and still not feel despair or hopelessness. You deserve to be handled with care, even when you receive correction.
Jennifer R. Farmer, aka The PR Whisperer®, is an author, lecturer and strategic communications expert. Check out our blog posts and subscribe for updates.